He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
