Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
