false alarm. still invincible.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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