i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
