you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
