the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
