is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
