Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
