You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
