We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
