Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
