it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
