You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
