I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
