I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
