my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
