I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
