There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
