I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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