I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
