Quick, to the slutcave!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need water and some morals
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
