oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
