i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
