Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
