??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
