I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
