All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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