ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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