Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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