Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
