I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
