so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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