Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
