if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Pooping to opera.
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