You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
