have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
