I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
