I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
