I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
