You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
