His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
