Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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