dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
