dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
