It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
