fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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