OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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