Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you didnt know i had herpes?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
