My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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