Me. At least after what I've been through.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
