in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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